Ready to Slag Danish Football Fans?

denmarkA lot of Irish people were in Denmark recently for the World Cup play off match. After a nil-nil tie, the Danes are coming here. Denmark is generally a very stable (i.e. boring) country best known for the most enduring and inoffensive toy in human history, Legos. Nonetheless, we have a national duty to slag the Danish fans who come to Ireland for round two. We might not be able to slag them for their football, although a major gaff on the field would be ideal. We have to be prepared to focus our attention on other things Danish. And no, there are not a lot of obvious things. In-depth research has turned up shockingly little about Denmark that’s easily slagged.

The story in the Disney film Frozen originates in Denmark. Feel free to sing ‘Let It Go’ at any point when it might possibly fit the moment. This is one of the biggest slagging points we have, so use it liberally.

Danish people as a group tend to be a little obsessed with liquorice. Fair enough, it is a tasty sweet. But they salt it. It might be difficult to work that into a good slagging if you are near a display of salted caramel chocolates, however. They also eat a lot of pickled herring. While that’s unappealing, it isn’t exactly the kind of solidly hilarious factoid necessary to slag them without mercy. Denmark has a very high number of Michelin-star restaurants, so on second thought, maybe avoid food-themed slagging.

Is It Even Possible to Slag Danish People?

Buying a round of drinks is almost unheard of in Denmark. Even on a romantic dinner date, Danish people expect to pay their own way, and only their own way. This can be awkward, but admittedly, it’s just not that funny.

To be brutally honest, it wasn’t easy finding things to slag the Danes about. They have a high number of Nobel prize winners per capita. Copenhagen is a clean and beautiful capital with lovely canals. Their pre-schoolers go to forest schools, and they generate a lot of clean electricity from windmills. In fact, with free healthcare, free education, good weather, lack of corruption, and ranking as one of the happiest peoples in the world, Denmark sounds like an amazing place to live.

There is a serious lack of things that are rotten lately, whatever was doing on in Hamlet’s day. Perhaps the best way to wind up Danish people isn’t to slag Denmark at all. Whether or not we beat them, it’s actually tempting to join them. Instead, the best tactic might be to pretend to confuse Denmark with Sweden and tell them how much you love Ikea.


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